I’d NEVER Do That as a Mom!

My wise self in 2004

I remember visiting some friends when I was pregnant with my first child.  The mom had a young daughter.  The little girl was climbing all over her mom while the mom was trying to talk to my husband and me.

Finally, the mom grabbed the daughter’s arm, gave her a gentle push away, and said in an exasperated tone, “Get off!”

I didn’t say anything, but I could not believe my ears!  How could she treat her precious child that way!  I would NEVER be that kind of mom.

Four kids later I say to my old self–HA!

So here are:
  Things I’d NEVER Do as a Mom

I would NEVER snap at my kids.  “Go to your room!  Pick up your shoes!  In the car, now!  Beeeee niiiiice!” Ya, I morph into that mom too often.  Not actually yelling, just snappy. 

I would NEVER let my kids eat junk food.  For my daughter’s first birthday I called everywhere (with no success) to find a healthier birthday cake.   My second daughter’s first clear word? “Candy!”

I would NEVER bribe my children.   This one didn’t even occur to me.  I wouldn’t need to bribe my kids.  They would be angels because I would be an exceptional mom.  I should have succeeded, but after a couple months of consistent crying from my newborn, I was burnt out.  Giving her a few extra milk feedings made her blissfully silent, at least while she was drinking.  And so the bribes began.  I thought her extra baby fat rolls were adorable. 

I would NEVER raise messy kids.  Cleanliness hasn’t always been my strength, but I was planning to change my ways.  I was going to be a pristine example to my children.  They would, in turn, keep a perfectly clean room and even do chores without being asked.  Huh.

I would NEVER use the TV as a babysitter.  Yes, I think I’ve put on, and even watched, every kid’s show known to man.

I would NEVER ever have to break up fights with my kids.
  Please.  They wouldn’t have them.  Or if they did, I would quickly intervene and educate them on how to get along. Sure, I fought with my brothers all the time growing up, but I would just explain to my children how to be nice and they would obey.  Surprisingly, they are not so fond of listening to my lengthy monologues on kindness…unless I bribe them.

I would NEVER take my child-filled life for granted.  I was 28 when I had my first child.  I was mature.  I had waited a long time to find the right guy and have a little one.  I love my kids and I endeavor to be a better mom every day.  But!  Occasionally I still lose sight of my sweet motherly attitude.  Please refer to my paragraph on snapping.

So, in closing, whoops.

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal:  I will attempt to reserve my motherly judgements.


  1. claudia b says:

    oh my friend, aren't we so similar, and many moms, I am sure. we start out with the loftier goals but then sleeplessness and all-day stress kick in and we succumb to the very things we swore we'd never do. i think as long as you recognize it and TRY not to do these things, that's what matters. at least that's what I tell myself 😀

  2. Life by Cynthia says:

    Great post! You are awesome.

  3. Ha! Absolutely right there with ya, girl! I am pretty sure all moms could write a post like this 😉

  4. I know right? I would never take my kids to Mcd's, and now its. I will try not to take my kids to Mcd's more than once a week. hahahahaha Blessed indoor play ground. Don't worry it does not make you a bad mom, just a well grounded realistic mother. So keep on doing.

  5. Bribery really has become my best friend with the kids. I don't know how any parent survives without it.

  6. LOL!! Thank you for posting this!! I needed a good laugh today! I am SO that mom!! I am doing everything I said I would NEVER do.

  7. Kim of Mo'Betta says:

    As usual, I relate all too well! Right now my house is blissfully silent…all the kids are with my MIL. and I'm euphoric. I USED to think it was terrible to be happy abt shipping off your kids…but in reality, we NEED a break sometimes!

  8. blueviolet says:

    It's so true. You can't possibly envision the reality until you're smack dab in the middle of it yourself!

    Too funny!

  9. My son is only 5 months old and I'm already finding it hard to keep all of 'my nevers' in check!

  10. Amanda @ Gratefully Growing in Grace says:

    Ah, what a little perspective can do, right? I said so many "I'll never" and "I'll always" with my first and quickly realized to stop that hogwash with my second. Good post!

  11. Mom of 12 says:

    Pretty sure I've broken all your rules at least a million times! Kind of funny how we grow up with our kids…

  12. mrsmarkdave says:

    I'm still in the position of "I would NEVER…."
    I've been told by people who have graduated from that phase that "Yes, you will." As I get older, I tend to believe them.

  13. Jennifer Ivie says:

    My little sister is constantly lecturing me on what I am doing wrong with my 3 kids. Her husband is constantly yelling at my kids and telling us why are kids are so messed up. They have a 3 month old baby…I am waiting…

    I am far from a perfect mom, I have done all of my I'll nevers (and my oldest is only 4!) and I will (try to) never judge another mother again.

  14. My sister used to laugh at me when I'd say "I'll never…" while I was pregnant! Sometimes sisters really know things! Great post.

  15. I am pretty sure every one of those were on my list too.Three kids later…

    Great post!

  16. Saunders Crew says:

    i love this because it brings back so many memories for me. i was a vegan when i was preggers with number 1 and here i thought i'd raise my kids eating tofu and texturized vegetable protein….hahahahahahahaha!
    Bring on McD's!!!
    I also see my 25 year old niece who I KNOW looks at us and says to herself, "well i'd never……." I can't wait till she has kids. Then I'm gonna sit back, have a drink, and just chuckle to myself.

  17. Heather says:

    Oh my gosh! How true this is! I wasn't going to do of these things either. And my kids were never going to act up, especially in public. And then I had them and reality set in. I now have 2 teenagers and an 11 year old. And people with younger kids still have the "my kids will never" attitude towards when their kids become teenagers. I say "Whatever Dude! Never say never"!

  18. I have a huge list of oops too. I'm the mean mom, that is snapping and yelling at her kids. Sigh, never say never I guess.

  19. Help! Mama Remote... says:

    Whew! I'm glad you did because you would think I'm an awful mother. Based on your list I'd swear we were sisters from another mother. Lol I love our children dearly but when the pressure is on I often sell out 🙂

  20. N.Kimbrell says:

    Thank you for your post- and the laugh! My son is only 11 months and already I see my old expectations crumbling before my eyes. Goldfish crackers are like baby crack. I believe I could get him to do backflips for one. 🙂

  21. funny! thanks for the laugh. number one lesson here: never say never! 🙂

  22. I try not to snap at my daughter but there are days when she worls my last nerve!

  23. Great post!!! I had some very firm ideas on parenting myself, Ha Ha, boy did my babies show me!!! I love your last one though, too often I take for granted my crazy, funny, hectic life and I know that when they are grown I will long for the days of messy, sugar strung out, kids wathching t.v when they are not fighting!!! I always love to visit you!!

  24. Were you looking at my diary??? It is almost verbatim of what happened in my life. haha

    We moms always start with the best intentions and life seems to intrude and we have to adapt.

    Especially when a lack of sleep, chaos, and raising different aged children are all combine and we get close to losing the grips of sanity.

    You are not alone!!

  25. Shelley says:

    We have such great asperations when we first start out, don't we?? Man, I was cloth diapering, making my own baby food, no TV watching, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and eating all organics with the first one and no plastic bottles please, only glass if I did use one. By the second one that was all gone!! We are so alike it is uncanny, are you my sister, hehe heh.
    I love your posts, it doesn't make me feel alone.
    Have a great day.

  26. 1HecticMommy says:

    this is so funny and so true. I think that until you have kids you just don't understand. Being around kids on occasion and having your own are two completely different things!

  27. Well my kids are perfect so I stuck to my nevers ;-). JK

    Actually, I think I was never going to have stained shirts, messy faces, and saggy diapers. My kids were all going to be reading at 2, and they'd be gorgeous, athletic, funny, and outgoing by 6. I am not sure I took into account who their parents were. But I am grateful for reality. I think it is better. We have more to laugh at that way.

  28. Kim @ Mamas Monologues says:

    Bribery and the television have become two of my best friends. Perfect moms? Perfect kids? They don't exist. Great list!

  29. Melissa says:

    Hahaha! This is perfection. We must be kindred spirits. I think the TV might be one of my favorites!

  30. LOL I had such similar plans… before I had kids!

  31. The Suburban Princess says:

    I love the one about not making the T.V. a babysitter. I vowed that I would never do that.

    But Nick Jr. is just so much cheaper than a nanny. Ha!

  32. Sandra's Fiberworks says:

    Here it goes (and I "waited" a good ten years longer than you to have kids!)
    — yes, I snap at the kids all day long (hurry up! Focus! Whose stuff is that, pick it up! etc.
    —yes they are a messy pair
    —yes, I am a messy mom
    —yes, our house is messy
    —yes, I'm the most impatient mom on the planet but GUESS WHAT: everyone tells me what well-mannered, well-behaved little boys I have. Well, I must be doing SOMETHING right! :))) From one grumpy grateful mom to another.

  33. you're not the only one… I found myself drowning in the snappy mom one- I am home from work for 2 weeks and with my kids — wonderful! fabulous!
    Well, sometimes I dont' think i'm as patient or non-snappy as they deserve and I feel bad…

    You are not alone… great post. thank you

  34. Great post! I think we all have the things we never thought we'd do!

  35. Rachel Murphy says:

    You too?!? LOL Great Post!

  36. I'll echo the other comments – Me. Too…….

    *but I'll never admit it to my Mum….;) 😉 ;)*

  37. Seriously…are you for reals? You seem to be reading into my mind every time you write your posts. Thank you for making me feel like we are on this together 🙂

  38. Mommy Inconsistent says:

    Haha…whoops is right…it should be my middle name. Once again, great moms act alike!

  39. Before having a girl I used to think "why would a mom let her daughter dress more like a boy than a girl?" and now I have one who refuses pink, dresses, and most everything girly. When she and her sister play she uses the name "Zack". Too funny!

  40. JDaniel4's Mom says:

    I changed many of my views after JDaniel arrived. Things are different in real life.

  41. I never thought I'd be the mom who bribed her kids to use the potty. Yet, here I am, offering donuts for toilet poop. Sigh. Such is life.

    Hugs and Mocha,

  42. MommaKiss says:

    Love your "whoops" summary. No kidding. Luckily I had lots of nieces and nephews to 'prep' me for all of the "crap" that happens with little ones. Still – it's hard to try to do it all, all the time.

  43. Paulette says:

    Love it! I too get snappy, mostly after saying something like 3+ times w/no result. What do I say most often? "Stop fighting! Separate now!" It's all a part of the ride and there are always days that go great and we are the mom we want to be and days that just run us right over. Whoops! 😉

  44. That's awesome! My "I would never" was that I would never yell at my kids in public – I mean, who wants to be THAT mom? Cut to last weekend, yelling at my kids from the driveway while they were in the house. Oh my, what will the neighbors think??? :0)

  45. I love the ending: Whoops! Indeed! I also have four kids, I hear ya loud and clear sister! And that snapping thing, it's the best way to get my kids attention without having to physically grab them by the scruff of the neck…and yes, that's been done too!

  46. I love reading your blog. It brings back memories and I know that my own children are feeling just like you do with my grandchildren. Mothering really doesn't change much; we all face the same problems; but doing it with humor is awesome.
    I am going to share your blog with my daughters; they will love it.
    Blessings to you!
    Living Waters by LeAnn

  47. Sandy -- As Told By Mommy says:

    Good post…I think we all think we are going to be such better moms than all the others and find out we still make some of the same mistakes! As long as we try our best and love our kids unconditionally I think we will have some heavenly help along the way 🙂


  48. I Am Not Superwoman says:

    We are not superwoman…we are average everyday mothers of many and exhausted. I had one of those snapping days today. Arghhh. Have a great 4th of July weekend!

  49. Makinig It Work Mom says:

    I used to work in a daycare setting with a lot of twenty something single ladies who were always a little "judgemental" of some of the mom's of the kidlets and I used to tell them "you guys are great parents now, just wait until you have kids". They are now all in the midst of new mommyness with babies and toddlers and it makes me laugh to see them doing all those things that they used to "judge".

    My motto always is: I was a great mom until I had kids.

  50. Lexie Loo & Dylan Too says:

    This post is so true!!! There were so many things I said I'd never do before I had kids!

  51. These are really really good and right on the money! I probably went through all of them today.

  52. An Irish Italian Blessing says:

    Alright….please add me to the Whoops club! I said the same thing pre baby…I was convinced I was going to be the "perfect" mom…well, I still am…and I break all the rules, lol! Love the preggo pic of you too, super cute!

  53. Laura@livingabigstory says:

    Cracks me up — mine was always that I'd *never* let my kids act like the screaming kids in grocery stores …. SIGH!

  54. Annette says:

    "Surprisingly, they are not so fond of listening to my lengthy monologues on kindness…unless I bribe them."

    THIS! Totally this! Oh my gosh, I love that I'm not the only one, lol! ^_^

  55. Hah, the only one I stuck to was Id never tolerate my kids throwing a fit in the store! I think it was the only one out of probably hundreds that I actually stuck to.

    I actually ended up going back to finish my shopping after their bedtimes, which has sadly stuck with me. My kids are now, 15, 13, 11, and 9.

  56. good ones. I actually still try to find a “better cake” for my kids birthday. Just looking at the Ingredients in Publix and Kroger cakes makes me sick. I usually ask my friends and they recommend someone who makes good cakes from real food ingredients

  57. OMG, i was laughing so hard reading this post. I am a first time mom to an amost 3 month old boy, and I remember all the things i thought i would and wouldnt do when I have kids.They really do turn your life upside down.. so worth it though!



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