What have I become?!?

So I just lost my temper with my 6 year old–again.

I feel very defeated–does anyone else feel like they USED to be a good mom.

Things started out so promising–a great husband (my best friend), pregnant with our first child, so sick and scared, but excited for the possibilities.

When my now 6 year old was born I expected things to be magical, that we would instantly bond, and stare into each others eyes for hours…non-stop cuddles and smiles. But, I’m embarrassed to say, things just didn’t go that way.

After birth L felt like a foreign object in my arms, a stranger. And she was not a happy baby–cried most of the time, and did not like to be cuddled-ever!

Still, I persisted my good mom ways-I never even looked at her without smiling!   (I did eventually “bond” with her and life did get easier after the 6 month mark.)

To jump ahead a little, 3 kids later, I have slowly progressed from a mom with the best intentions, to a mom who is grumpy and constantly getting after my kids, not to mention my poor husband.

So, this morning was one of my worst moments–a battle while getting my first grader ready for school, she took off her shoes right before it was time to go!!! That’s a little thing right–the shoes–I know it didn’t deserve three exclamation points, but that’s how I felt. It was the final straw to a stress full morning.

I use to always wonder how those yelling mothers you see on TV go that way–now I know!   For the record, I did not yell, but I used a stern, very loud, very mean sounding voice–I may as well have been yelling.

Did I mention my house is a mess? I think that really adds to the my stressful mood over all. I am not the person I want to be! I am so disappointed in myself! I’m guessing my husband is thinking, “what did I marry?” I need to get myself together.

Anyhow, I’m not all bad, I’ve been trying to be silly with my kids more often, read them more books–we even made pudding fingerpaints this week.  I just feel I’m seriously messing up in many areas and not being the person I want to be and know I can be.

Vowing to be better today–after breakfast, I need a cereal fix

 Grumpy Mom Goal of the Day: Stop reacting, and keep your cool.
As for me: I will practice patience with my 6 year old. 

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