Archives for 2017

Bandits

I have created a small army of bandits.  Snack bandits that is.  You know you’ve done something wrong when a brand new box of about 70 fruit snacks is empty in 2 days!  We had to take drastic measures.  And now we have this:

It’s a fingerprint lock on our downstairs pantry–hurrah!  Best ebay investment ever!  Note the damage around the mechanism as my treat crazed minions have attempted to rip it off.

Still, it’s as if my kids are signaling the universe to send more junk food.

Just as our Easter candy craze was dying down my 13 year old daughter (Dani) got a phone call: “Out of 500 people you were the only one to guess the number of candies exactly right–419!”  She was giddy with excitement, “I can’t believe it!”  And here’s her prize.  That’s right–419 jellybeans and robin eggs.

 Now the goodies keep coming. Only yesterday my out of state parents came for visit and brought these.

My salivating cubs encircled their grandparents and demanded the cookies in exchange for hugs.

Then!  Same day.  We get a knock on the door.  The neighbor boys handed me a bag of this!

Don’t worry–I kindly picked out and devoured the lone reese’s cup so as not to tempt my children any further.

Despite continued lock destruction attempts, thankfully, most of our newest stash is safely stowed.

Now, if I could just find a way to lock myself out of the pantry.(sigh)

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Cutting back on the Oreos.

Happy Hunting

After an awesome car sick incident (3 year old) Rose got cleaned up and scored 8 eggs in the big Easter hunt.   The event was a bit lacking; so many kids without any eggs!  I politely persuaded my girl to donate some of her stash.  She happily gave away one egg, then two and three.  I may have gotten a pinch carried away in my egg coercion.

When I boldly attempted a 5th egg giveaway, Rose was DONE. 

And the good times didn’t end there!  After the hunt, the aroma of our car sickened van really made this trip extra memorable:

Thankfully, our Easter egg hunt extravaganza at home had more impressive results.

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  Appreciating my eggstraordinary eggsistence.

Crickets

I recently took my (then 6 year old) Dax to see a dentist.  He is my kid with few inhibitions; he’ll say anything to anyone.  I walked him over to get his x-rays.  There was a bald lady assisting with the x-rays.  My blunt little man was initially very quiet.  I was hopeful.  Then:

Bald Lady: Oh, you’re a pro.  You’ve done this before.

Dax: (very matter of factly) I have done this before, except it was at a different place and that place didn’t have any bald people, but this place does have bald people.

Me: (sheepishly)  Kids are great.

Bald Lady:  (Crickets)

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  Bald lady sensitivity training.

I Had No Idea

Amazing happenings at our house this week.  Some days I just have no idea what lies in store for me.

First up, I had no idea my 15 month old (Hen) could stand on his bike handle bars and play the piano.  So talented.

Also, I have no idea why my 3 year old (Rose) decided to wad up paper, soak it in water, then gleefully give it to me as a gift.  Three so far this week!  Though, she was a bit selfish and kept this soggy paper pet for herself.

Next, and particularly mind boggling: my 13 year old accidentally cracked her bedroom window this week.  I had no idea she was so fond of the window:

Dani: (dramatically sobbing)  “I’m deh-eh-vastated!!!  I loooved that window!  If Yoda was heeeere, he’d say, there’s been a gre-eh-ate disturbance in the fo-o-orce!”  Truly, still no idea about that one.

And another atrocity from this week–I have no idea where this damage in my outside fence came from…bullet hole???

Lastly, Aprils’s Fools was…eventful.  I had no idea my 11 year old, Evie, could be so mischievous.  For one of her multiple deceptions, she decided to fill vanilla Oreo cookies with a mixture of toothpaste and flour.  Evie then (sweetly) offered a toothpaste Oreo to her 8 year old brother, Mase.  Sadly for her, the sinister cookie plot was foiled:

Mase: (sincerely)  “Mmm…minty…this is soooo good!”

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  I have no idea. 

None of Your Business

Last year Evie (10 years old) mentioned to me that her (12 year old) sister Dani told someone at school, “it’s none of your business.”

The conversation:

Me: Dani, why would you tell your friend, “it’s none of her business?”

Dani: (after lengthy explanation) So you see it really was none of her business.

Me: Maybe, but you can’t say that to people.  I raised you to be kind and sweet.  And that phrase just isn’t nice.

Dani: Well, I’ve heard you say, “it’s none of your business.”

Me: I did not.

Dani: You remember the other night when you and Dad were talking and I wouldn’t go to sleep.

Me: Ya…well…that’s different.  You wouldn’t go to bed and what we were talking about really was none of your business.   I would never say that to like…a friend.

Dani:  Aren’t I your friend?

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  None of your business.

Just Venting

My expectations for motherhood were…frankly…completely wrong!   I had no conception of the great love and joy I would experience.  I also had no clue exactly what I was getting myself into.  And now, an excerpt from this past year:

It’s quiet in my house–too quiet.

I glance into my 6-year-old son’s room and am momentarily stunned speechless.  (Please stop now if you are easily grossed out.)  Dax is, happily, peeing down the air vent!  Ya, the type of air vent that connects to ALL the air vents in our home.  I swiftly approach my amazing man:

Me: (as I’m gripping his shoulders, shaking him slightly in frustration)  What are you doing?!!  You can’t do things like this!!!  You can’t pee down the vent!

Dax is now waving his hands up and down as if to calm me down.

Dax: (sincerely)  It’s ok Mom.  Whenever I go to my room, I do this all the time.

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day:  Scheduling another vent cleaning.  

At my husband’s request, I’m adding a related story that he just reminded me of:

Time:  Shortly after above incident.

 Dani: (age 12)  Something’s been dripping on my head at night?  What is that!?!

I should note that Dani has a ceiling air vent, just above her bed.  Her bedroom also happens to be located directly under Dax’s bedroom.  Good times.

Pickles and Ketchup

I recently took my kids for a drive thru feast–cheeseburgers at McDonald’s!

 Me: I’d like 6 cheeseburgers with just pickles and ketchup.
Mase (8 years old) (angry): Just pickles and ketchup!  Just pickles and ketchup!  Why did you get just pickles and ketchup?!!
Me:  Calm down buddy.  What did you want on your burger?
Mase:  I wanted MEAT!

And yes, I did let Mase whine for the next ten minutes as he assumed I had bought him a meatless cheeseburger.

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Cutting back on my fast food feasts.

Not actual McDonald’s cheeseburger. This scrumptious square came from Wendy’s.

Developments

Well, hello!  It’s been a bit longer than I planned.  I’m assuming that I’m talking to empty internet space, but that’s ok.  At my house I’ve become very skilled at speaking and having no one listen.

So, it’s been 5 years and I have 5 new developments:

#1 In addition to our 4 minions, we now have a daughter, Rose–she’s 3!  We also lost an angel to miscarriage.  Then! We had one last little guy–Hen, who’s 1.  We feel so very blessed and are soooo so SO DONE having kids.

#2  I am also the proud new owner of a Fitbit Charge 2.  I just knew this was going to change my life.  And it has!   Now I’m capable of calculating my exact laziness from day to day–awesome.

#3  I have acquired about 1000 new Facebook likes from fake Facebook liking accounts.  Such love!

#4  I just noticed this–suddenly, there is a new Arby’s–BY MY HOUSE!  The fact that I could buy an Arby’s french dip sandwich any day of the week makes me giddy.

#5  Lastly, I recently got my laundry 100% caught up.  Amazing–I know!  I’ve been basking in the fabulousness of it all, then…our dryer broke.  My husband, who doesn’t fix things, is sure he can fix the dryer so…ya…no worries.  Looking good I think:

That’s probably more than anyone wanted to know!

Grumpy Grateful Mom Goal of the Day: Attempting to Accomplish my (never before accomplished) Fitbit goal--10,000 steps!

I wanted to let you know I’ll be keeping comments closed on most of my posts for a bit.   I know that’s annoying!  I love comments and commenting…I just need to keep my blogging/life very simplified for now.